HOME!

Wow, ok, so it's been another long while since I've updated.

Since I last posted, I have tied up all loose ends in Dresden, went to Vienna with my parents and sister, officially left Germany, and am now in Raleigh, where I'll be until Friday. There are plenty of stories and I will post them in due time, but for now I'll let it suffice to say that I am HOME! :-)

Paris pictures

are finally all up and labeled and stuff. If you looked at them before they weren't complete, so check em out again!

Three Month Reflection...sort of.

I just remembered I am a few weeks overdue for my “three month reflection.”

The lower frequency of posts lately is because of two reasons. Firstly, the longer I stay here the less remarkable and notable things seem and the less inclined I am to write about them. Secondly, as my time in Europe is waning I am getting myself out the door and trying to see as much of it as possible, and the more I am away the less I want to write. But I guess I should be writing anyway.

So what’s happened in the past month (and a half)? Wow. A lot. Almost exactly one month ago I took the first steps in making arrangements to come home. A little over one month ago I went to Berlin, which was the start of my travel period. And after that point, life got better.

I finally admitted to myself once and for all that this place, this university, this activity, this everything, is just not for me. Once I accepted that it was ok to feel that way I was able to eliminate a lot of negative emotions. I am not being cowardly by backing down, but instead I am courageous by speaking up and saying “this is not right, I have to change it.” It would have been the easy way out to just keep going because it’s what I was “supposed to do,” but if there’s one lesson I have learned from this mess, it’s that I am the only one who is really looking out for me and taking care of me – and this is what I need to do to take care of me.

I mentioned in a previous post that my trip to Prague was the first time I really felt like “me” since I’ve been in Europe. My trip to Prague was also my first time out of GERMANY since I’ve been over here – and to me that was the difference. When I set foot on German soil I adopted the mindset of “ok, I’m not a tourist here. I live here. I need to blend in, I need to learn the German way of life, I need to act like a German because I live here now.” I put a lot of pressure on myself to become “Germanified,” and as a result a huge dichotomy developed inside me between the person I knew I was and the person I felt like I had to be to fit in here. I like to talk to people, I like to interact with people, I like to smile and be smiled at, I like to occasionally eat lunch with people I don’t know in the cafeteria, I like to know that I can ask strangers questions if I need to without angering them, I like to acknowledge people and be acknowledged. I’m sure you remember from previous posts, but Germans don’t do any of that. It’s a very closed and isolated society here – it’s not a bad thing but very different than what I am used to. In the beginning I felt invisible every time I would smile at people, or got no reaction from people when I was nice and polite and said please and thank you. I tried to learn how to “act German,” but I hated it, because that’s not who I am.

When I went to Prague it was my first time out of the country that was supposed to be my home. I realized that even if I were “German” it wouldn’t matter, because in Prague I wasn’t in Germany anymore and I’d be a tourist either way. I was finally able to shake that ill-fitting temporary German identity and get back in touch with the more authentic Robin. I hadn’t realized how far I had slipped away. It made my return to Germany that much harder because I didn’t want to get swallowed up in that again, and now that I was aware of it all, it was that much more uncomfortable. But I could return with the comfort of knowing that it was only temporary.

Though all these experiences I have learned that I don’t really NEED people – but man, I really miss people. Traveling by yourself is lonely. Living (essentially) by yourself is lonely. Not having a group of people to interact with on a daily basis is lonely. Eating most meals by yourself is lonely. I can do it, I have done it, but I don’t like it. And I’ll be happy to get out of it.

So this month I’ve just been doing a lot of traveling, not only trying to stay out of the environment I dislike as much as possible but also making sure I take advantage of the short time I have left. I’ve been trying to see things instead of writing about things, and trying not to think so much and instead just DO. (Although I did feel the need to write a lot about Paris, because it was also an interesting learning experience.)

I changed trains in Frankfurt on the way back from Paris, and it was a weird experience like going back in time – even though it was only three months ago. Much of the city looked unfamiliar to me, much like how my experiences there now feel, and it made me think about what’s happened since then.

I was a bundle of nerves before I got on the plane to Germany, of course, and in a conversation with Chris I remember saying/asking/worrying “ok, so I get to Frankfurt…then what? Once I get off the plane, what do I do?” He just calmly told me “you’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. You’ll get a taxi, you’ll get to the hotel, then you’ll figure it out.” Of course he was right, and looking back on it all and seeing what I’ve done since then, I’m pretty proud of how far I’ve come.

Not only did I “figure it out” once I got to Frankfurt, but I have also traveled to several cities in several countries – oftentimes by myself – since then. I planned my own trips from start to finish. I mastered the Paris metro system, I navigated the streets of Berlin, I survived in countries where I did not speak the language – and used only my own knowledge, capabilities, and common sense. And a map. It’s not an experience like navigating the Yukon wilderness or the open ocean, but it builds character just the same. I have learned how to rely on myself and be successful.

Back to Frankfurt. After three months of Dresden, living in an internationally diverse city with a group of solid friends and a program that was interested in our wellbeing seems like a dream. Why was that month so hard? Why was I unhappy?

After looking back, I think Dresden and Frankfurt fall on two opposite ends of the spectrum, where the optimal situation is in the middle. To me, Frankfurt meant limits. I felt like someone was holding my reins and wasn’t letting me reach my full potential – yeah, I was speaking German, but not as much and not as well as I knew I was capable of in another situation. Yeah, I had friends, and luckily they were nice people, but because I was in an international language school with no interaction to the outside community I couldn’t look further. There was no life outside of language school and the explorations we created for ourselves – a bunch of Americans with varying knowledge of German attempting to learn this unfamiliar city. There were no other activities available. I looked forward to Dresden because it meant opportunities and growth and expanding boundaries.

How wrong I was. Dresden instead also meant zero opportunities – but for a different reason than Frankfurt. Dresden meant I couldn’t participate in potential activities, that I stood on the sidelines and watched, that I couldn’t get my foot in the door enough to be noticed and be allowed to be included. It meant seeing opportunities just beyond the horizon but never being given the tools needed to succeed.

Like I said, Frankfurt and Dresden are on two different ends of the spectrum – I have learned that in order for me to be happy I don’t want walls and a ceiling, but I do need a ladder. Or at least the tools to build my own ladder.

Paris Part Deux

As it turns out I do have a few more stories to share from Paris:

For lunch on my last day I went to a Chinese restaurant. It was where I was when I got hungry and the price was right, and only after I walked in the door was I struck with panic – what if these Paris-residing Chinese people don’t speak English? I don’t speak French or Chinese! Luckily the guy there did speak quite good English, and he was nice.

After lunch I went to Starbucks (I know, I know) for a cup of coffee. As I walked in the door one of the baristas turned to the girl next to her and giggled as she said “French-french-french-french-American-Eagle-french-french-french!” This comment was of course in reference to my blue American Eagle coat. I started laughing, and looked down at my jacket and asked if it really did say “American Eagle” on there? She said “no – but I know it is because I have the same one!” You can meet fellow ex-pats everywhere!

Coffee in one hand and camera in the other, I headed to the Champs Elysees area to check it out during the day. I was enjoying all the beautiful buildings and marveling at the original stores of all the famous Parisian companies – Loreal, Chanel, Cartier, Dior, etc. The next beautiful building I came across was the American Embassy – “how cool that it’s here in the middle of all these beautiful things!” I thought. CLICK went my camera. The next thing I heard was the sound of a guard’s whistle, and I suddenly realized what I had done.

Holy cow, was I an idiot?!?! I took a picture of the American Embassy! The guard came running toward me and I immediately started apologizing. I knew better, I really did, I had just forgoten, and I showed him that I immediately deleted the picture. He was nice about it, fortunately, and no harm was done, but I really couldn’t believe I had been that stupid.

Now embarrassed at sticking out like an obnoxious American tourist for the third time today, I continued toward Champs Elysees anyway – camera still in one hand……and an empty hand. Before lunch I made a stop at Hard Rock Café to get Chris a glass – but I had left it in the Chinese restaurant. I turned around, walked back past the guards at the embassy, and retraced my steps to the restaurant. Smooth…real smooth.

Next I will address in general how I learned to deal with French people. I think I had a lot of success because even though I don’t speak French, I am very polite and courteous – probably unlike most obnoxious American tourists. Every time I would interact with someone the first thing I said was an apology for not speaking French, THEN I would ask if they spoke English, then thank them for speaking English with me. I always made sure to say “bonjour” and “merci” or “pardon” on the Metro to let them know I was trying. I never ran into any problems and everyone was always polite back to me.

But it is true that they do get offended very easily. I decided on my last night that I wanted to shop for a coat. Everyone in Paris wore beautiful coats, and a few days earlier I had seen some for very reasonable prices, but of course I couldn’t remember where they were. I settled on browsing the area near my hotel. I tried on coats in two stores – in the beginning the store clerks were extremely helpful, and helped me pick out what would look good and helped me put them on. Only after I said “I’m sorry but it’s just not what I’m looking for” would they give me the cold shoulder and start pouting, and wouldn’t even look at me or say goodbye when I left the store (but I made sure to thank them for their help). Yes, it felt like I was doing business with kindergarteners, but I guess that’s their sales strategy – to guilt the customers into feeling bad enough to buy clothes. Sorry, but that tactic doesn’t work on me.

One last thought – speaking of stores, their store closing ritual was bizarre to me. Before we ate dinner one night Paul wanted to run into a store to find a Christmas present for his brother. I stayed in the women’s section while he went upstairs to the men’s. It was about 7:40 and the store closed at 8. When the clock struck 7:45 they made an announcement that the store was about to close, and suddenly everyone flocked to the exits. I moved closer to the door and waited on Paul, but a lady actually came up to me and said “our store is closing you need to leave” (well, it was in French, but I’m assuming that’s what she said because she pointed sternly toward the door) – meanwhile my watch still said 7:45. Apparently when French stores close at 8, it means they want you out so they can go home at 8. At least that’s what I took from it.

Paris!

It’s Friday night and I’m sitting here in a café in the “arts district” of Paris, drinking a glass of wine, listening to Elvis, and catching up on what’s happening in the world. I am feeling particularly inspired to write a little bit about this city. I’ll approach it in two ways – by the unique experiences and things I have seen, and how it differs from Germany.

I mentioned last time that Paris reminds me of NYC. Everyone is extremely fashionable and I have never seen so many well dressed, well groomed people in one place before. The subways (“metros”) are also an experience unto themselves, but in a different way than New York. You don’t fear for your life when you make eye contact with someone, but it’s still a great place to people watch. Musicians also like to camp out in subway stations, or even get on trains, and play – on the trains I have seen accordion and fiddle players, and in the stations I have seen soprano sax with backup soundtrack recording, “karaoke” singer with backup recording, guitar, accordion, fiddle, and even a sitar. No joke – a sitar.

The difference between Parisian transportation and German transportation is the efficiency of the people who use it. In Germany it is typical for everyone who plans to get off on the next stop to move toward the doors as soon as the train leaves the previous stop, so as soon as the doors open everyone is ready to go. Here in Paris, however, no one moves until the doors open at the stop – then everyone gets up from their seats and deboards. In addition, no one pays any attention to the little red and green men for crossing the street – whereas the Germans would rather die a slow and painful death than cross the street on red. Both of these habits are behaviors I have had to adopt in order to blend into the German society but cause me to stick out when I am here. Paul laughed at me for hesitating every time we crossed the street, which I never did before my Germanification, and it was funny too because he said all his other friends who lived in Germany developed the same habit.

Parisians are badasses, and they know it. I mean, living in Paris automatically makes you a badass, and you have to be a badass to live in Paris. I have been pleasantly surprised by how nice people have been to me as an English speaker (because even though I speak another language it doesn’t matter, because I don’t speak FRENCH), but you can tell the people know they are all that and a bag of potato chips. They will sometimes ignore you and look down their noses at you, much like NYC, but I don’t mind it. To me it is actually a much more comfortable atmosphere than Germany – the people have to acknowledge your existence in order to choose to ignore you or choose to be “rude” to you, but in Germany the people look right through you and never acknowledge your existence in the first place. In Paris you know you’re not Parisian, but in Germany you feel invisible.

Last night at my hotel I met two guys from Cameroon – one was the desk clerk and the other was his friend who was just hanging out. As I came in for the night we struck up a conversation, and I ended up talking to them until almost 2am. They were wonderfully nice, and were very interested in hearing my abroad experiences and were eager to tell me about Africa. From the way they described the community atmosphere in their city, where everyone looks out for each other and everyone’s primary goal is to love life, it sounds wonderful. I also had an interesting insight into their culture when we spent almost an hour discussing a theoretical argument between husband and wife, and how it should be fixed and why. It was filled with “well what if this happened, what if she said this, how would you respond? But that won’t work, because a good husband would always do this. What happens if the situation is like this? How would you reach an agreement? Whose job is it to do this?” To me it was interesting to see how their community culture, described earlier in this conversation, was manifested in this problem-solving discussion as they helped each other talk through how to amend theoretical situations, how to be prepared for curve balls, and how to be honorable.

Apparently in Paris there is no tip in restaurants. I did not know this. My first Parisian meal was lunch, and I left the waiter a typical German 10% tip. The waiter was nice, and as I got ready to leave he chit chatted with me, asked me where I was from and how much longer I was in Paris, then invited me to come back to the restaurant before I left, then gave me his business card and said “I don’t work tonight, you should call me and we’ll get drinks.” I just smiled politely and said thanks, shrugged it off as “I’m in France,” and told the story to Paul as a good laugh over dinner. When we calculated our dinner bill and I went to put a little extra money for tip Paul set me straight, and then laughed because he said that’s probably why the waiter tried to ask me out – because I’d left him a tip on my lunch bill. Oops.

Speaking of French restaurants, they have a cool system called a formula where they create a 3 course meal (or 2 courses and coffee) for a set price, and each course has about three options to choose from. These formulas are much cheaper than ordering everything a la carte (see look at my French language skills!), although Paris in general is quite expensive. I also ate beef tar tar yesterday without knowing what it was – I knew I’d heard of it before, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong, until I got my plate and it was a patty of minced raw beef. It tasted ok, and I’m still alive, so I guess it was all fine.

I went to the Louvre today. Aside from being a tremendously huge and good museum, the building itself is beautiful. I didn’t know this before, but the building is actually the castle of the old French monarchy – so a corner of the museum is actually the old parlors, salons, and bedrooms of the castle. In addition, most rooms in the museum are pieces of artwork themselves due to the magnificent moldings and ceiling paintings. I got a front row view of the Mona Lisa, saw some Michelangelo sculptures, some mummies, and lots of other cool stuff. I’ll post pictures later.

I can’t remember much else now, but I’m sure I’ll have more stories later. I have one more day, then I head back to Dresden on Sunday.

Better Late than Never

So....I haven't been posting much lately. Sorry! And I guess I forgot to mention that I'm currently in PARIS!

I won't write much now because, well, I'm in Paris and I'd rather do stuff than write. But I will say that it is beautiful, huge, diverse, and reminds me of NYC (without the skyscrapers and English speakers). I love it.

I'm splitting my time between a hostel and my friend Chris' old roommate, who is in grad school here and was nice enough to put me up for a few days and hang out with me. Accessible/free internet is hard to come by, so I'm sitting in a cafe getting wifi.

I put a few pictures up on Facebook but I'll put more up later. Look here!

Budapest!

Hm....where to begin? The trip was excellent. I saw everything and did everything! We toured the Parliament building, swam in the thermal baths, visited the beautiful old churches, saw a professional Hungarian folk dance show, enjoyed the Christmas markets, explored the castle district, crossed bridges over the Danube (cue the music...), and many more things I'm sure I'm leaving out. I ate nothing but (excellently cooked) traditional Hungarian food, learned tons about the history of the Hungarian people, and even learned a few words along the way!

Yes those were all the events from Budapest, but what stands out most in my mind is the wonderful warm and fuzzy feeling that resulted from being in the company of a good friend while doing all these fun things. Even simple activities like walking down the street or riding the bus were much more enjoyable when I had someone familiar with me. Actually having conversation over lunch (and breakfast, and dinner) was a rare pleasure. I felt so privileged to be able to experience Budapest like a "local," and so lucky to have a friend who made sure everything was perfect. (Anna I know you read this blog, but it's all true and I'd write it even if you didn't read it!)

This weekend was also probably the most culturally enlightening time of my stay in Europe. Anna was born and raised in Budapest but lived in the U.S. for two years (which is how we met), so she knows and understands both my home world and the world I live in now. We had great conversations all weekend comparing European and American culture, because we both have lived both sides. We covered the gamut from fashion to food to taxis to burglaries to universities to houses to hygiene to jobs to construction to restaurant service, and much more serious topics like how Europeans and Americans approach things like relationships and the physical body. I concluded that America is an overly cautious society that takes too many preventative measures because it is afraid people will do something stupid and blame the other guy, whereas Anna concluded that America does everything much simpler, not necessarily more cautious.

For example:
-Europeans don't individually label/identify the patients' names for their prescriptions, and there are no warning labels either
-There is no double yellow line on two way streets - just solid or dotted white lines
-They don't block off construction sites - people just walk right on through
-There are no "caution wet floor" signs, or anything of the sort
-Healthcare isn't as expensive because they don't have such outrageous malpractice insurance

And I don't remember what else we came up with. There's always the infamous McDonalds coffee lawsuit.

We also concluded that America is a much more prude society and oftentimes much more judgmental toward each other (i.e. when we were at the thermal baths, old men wore speedos and women walked around in just their bathing suits, whereas in America the women would all have coverups and the men wouldn't be caught dead in speedos, because they are too cautious and afraid of their appearances). But Europeans in general are much more fashion-conscious than Americans. Interesting.

I won't ramble any more about that topic; I could write pages about the comparisons between the two cultures. Maybe eventually I will, because I guess that's part of the purpose of this blog - to share these differences with you. I may sound slightly critical, but that is not my intention. It is merely a comparison as I experience another option of how things are done.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Well, sort of.

After a brief three days back in Dresden, I leave again this morning! This time I'm headed to Budapest, Hungary to visit a very dear friend of mine (who, predictably, happens to be Hungarian and lives in Budapest). Not only am I excited to see the city, which I hear is wonderful, but I am also thrilled to finally see a familiar face.

Anna was a Rotary scholar at UGA last year, which is how we met. It's a small world!

I'll be back Sunday. Hope everyone has a good post-Thanksgiving week!

Non-musicians or non-music-educators might find this one boring

After thinking about what I learned about the background of most German musicians, I went to orchestra rehearsal on Thursday with a totally new perspective. Rather than just focusing on what the group sounded like and how they played, I put it into context and thought about how their background affects how they play.

To shortly recap, German children learn instruments through private lessons and music schools, and the average children (not the ones who end up in conservatories) probably have very few opportunities to play in groups. American children learn instruments through band or orchestra class and are trained from the beginning to play as an ensemble member, but the average children often do very little solo playing.

The workshop orchestra I play with is comprised of college versions of these “average children” who major in other things but still like to play. And I’ll just say that the sound of the orchestra is comparable to the focus of its members. I realized that after my first listens and first impressions, I had been analyzing the orchestra by American standards. Concepts taught from the beginning in our schools, such as precision, watching the conductor, blending, and playing together are big struggles for this group. But after concentrating on their individual playing, I heard that they are all decent players by themselves – they just don’t know how to play in a group.

I will compare this orchestra to a concert band at UGA. The skill level is about the same, the groups exist for similar purposes, and the members are there for similar reasons. The problems that arise in UGA concert bands are playing confidence and individual ability - often an unwillingness or fear to be heard playing by yourself, and a much more limited technical ability on the instrument. As a group, however, people in concert bands know how to play in a band. In comparison to the workshop orchestra, the concert band as an ensemble is stronger but the individual musicianship is weaker.

For example: we rehearsed an excerpt that exchanges quarter notes between sections of the winds – in 3/4 time each instrument played quarter notes on beats 3-1-2 and the motive is passed around to every section. You American musicians are probably thinking “ok it’s just 3 beats of quarter notes, no big deal, we do that kind of thing in warm-ups all the time.” After close to 45 minutes of rehearsal on this one excerpt, my perspective totally changed. The notes weren’t a problem, the order of who plays when wasn’t a problem, but playing it all in time and with one another was a huge issue. The student conductors are trained as conductors, not necessarily educators, and don’t know all the “teacher tricks” we learn for how to address and fix ensemble problems like that.

I raised my hand and politely suggested we sing the passage instead of play, so we could focus on tempo and timing and take away the element of the instrument. I got funny looks from everyone because they had never heard of such a thing before. We learn, however, that “if you can sing in time you can eventually play it in time.” Sure enough, after a few repetitions of singing the passage, the ensemble precision improved as people could hear how their entrances fit with everyone else. I could tell they were still confused as to the outright purpose of such a silly exercise, and the conductor didn’t really know how to “teach” what we were doing instead of just leading the activity. When we picked up our instruments to play again a few players resorted to the pre-exercise late entrances and slower tempos because they didn’t make the connection.

In an American classroom, 45 minutes is an obscene amount of time to rehearse such a small passage and what we consider such a simple concept. However, the problems we would have faced would have been totally different, and maybe much harder to fix – people might miss entrances because they are too timid, or not play loud enough because they are scared to be so exposed or freaked out to hear themselves so well. These thoughts never cross the German musicians’ minds.

The results would be similar, but the causes are completely different. And the good educators focus on the cause, not the result, in order to bring the most success and improvement.

The most successful music education programs should perhaps equally incorporate the aspects of solo and ensemble playing to foster more well rounded players, so there are no extremes on either end of the spectrum. Because of time, money, and resources, is this goal in either system obtainable? I’ll get back to you in a few years when I have my own band program. J

Some More "Firsts"

Over the past week I have experienced two more things that we take for granted would be the same, but are far different from what I expected. I got a haircut and went to the doctor.

Actually, the haircut wasn’t so “out there.” The only problem I ran into was not knowing the right vocabulary for things like “layers” and “split ends” (for future reference the German word for “layers” in your hair translates to “levels”), but I got a good haircut and I was pleased. The awkward part came at the end when I had to ask about tip. Americans are famous for over-tipping everyone, so I try to be conscientious but I never want to leave too little or not tip when I really should. My haircutter was Russian, so she was understanding enough when I explained that I really didn’t know the German customs for tipping stylists and I wanted to make sure I did it right. She said yes she usually is tipped, but it was up to me to determine how much. So I just guessed, and never really did learn how much is appropriate.

The doctor’s office, on the other hand, was totally different from my American preconceived notions. To start off, there is no such thing as an immediate care clinic where you can go just to get medicine when you have a cold or a sprained ankle or something. All doctors have walk-in hours a few mornings a week, and you just find a doctor and go.

With help of the internet I found an English-speaking doctor (more as a safety net just in case), and she was a little bit far away. When I walked into the office, the receptionist looked at my insurance card and said “you live in the city, don’t you? You don’t live in this neighborhood. Well, as long as you’re here, we’ll take you.” Apparently that’s another thing about these German doctors – they are supposed to only see patients that live in the area, so that just in case they have to make a house call they don’t have to travel far. Oops.

My American paradigm imagined a nurse would call me back to a room, I’d put on one of those flattering paper smocks, she would talk to me about what’s wrong, then the doctor would come, examine my ailment, ask about my medical history, and talk about what I needed. What really happened was the doctor herself called me into her office. Literally. I sat down in a chair next to her desk, fully clothed, and told her what was wrong and what I thought I needed. She barely asked any questions, examined me for maybe a few seconds, wrote me a prescription, and sent me out the door.

In addition, my prescription bottles are not labeled with my name, dosage, or warnings. It’s just a bottle of pills that you can’t buy at the grocery store.

The Germans are all healthy people, and the medicine is working, so I guess it’s all just fine. I think Americans are perhaps overly dramatic, paranoid, and demanding when it comes to healthcare. Maybe we should be, but maybe we could suffice just fine with less. I think I’d have to experience more on the other side before I could really say for sure.

Sights and Sounds of Prague

This morning I uploaded my Prague pictures to Webshots for your viewing pleasure. And here I will include a few videos so you can experience the city vicariously:


The famous Astronomical Clock on Old Town Square


The jazz band that likes to travel around the city and amuse tourists


Changing of the Guards ceremony at Prague Castle

I do have to share one experience I encountered while over here, because it was a sad dose of reality that was painful to witness but necessary to share. Thursday I came back to my room mid-afternoon because my camera battery died and my memory was full, so I needed to recharge and unload. My room was off the main lobby of the hostel. While I was sitting there going through my pictures, I started hearing yelling and crying from the lobby - all in Czech. It was the front desk guy and a girl. I tried to tune it out, figuring I would stay out of whatever was going on, but then the yelling got louder and the crying got harder and there were other noises too - so I stuck my head out the door to check it out - just in time to see the girl pinned up against the wall and the guy punching her repeatedly.

I freaked out.

I didn't want to run out there because I didn't want to make the situation worse by them knowing that I was there and had seen it, and I didn't want him to get angrier and take it out on her (or me!), and there was nowhere for me to go because I had to walk by the desk to get out of my room. I wanted to call the police, but I didn't know if domestic violence is illegal in the Czech Republic. I'm pretty sure there was no one else around because it was 3:30 in the afternoon and I don't think they realized I was there.

I got in touch with my parents and they kept me on the phone until the noises stopped and long enough to calm me down and make sure I was ok. And that was the last I heard or saw of that situation.

Other than that, Prague was great. The movies and pictures probably do a good job of narrating. I treated this trip like a much-needed vacation, and made sure to wine-and-dine myself properly, relax, enjoy the sights, and just soak it all in. And for the first time since I've been in Europe, I finally felt like myself again.

Prague in the Moment

Well I guess I should write an update because I said I would, but it won't be long. Really, you should be glad I'm not writing a long update because it means I'm out there living it rather than writing about it. There will be time later to write.

But for now, this city is gorgeous and old and really cool. There will be LOTS of pictures later. And some cool videos. :-)

I head back to Dresden tomorrow afternoon. I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving and is enjoying time off with their families! And tomorrow, wreck Tech!

Turkey?

So this week isn't exactly going according to how I'd imagined. But it's ok, because I'm improvising and hopefully have made it all work out. I originally had planned to go to France to see Liz for Thanksgiving and my birthday, but the French train systems (in addition to most workers in the country) are on strike, the cheapest plane ticket was 750 euros (well over $1000), and the fastest bus could get me there by Saturday. Yeah, that can't happen.

So then I found a cheap flight to Barcelona, and decided to just hit the road (er....air) and go there for a few days. I bet the weather is nicer and warmer, and it would be a good place to relax and a pretty city to see. So I went through the process to purchase the plane ticket, but for some reason Ryanair wouldn't accept my credit card. It kept telling me I had a typo somewhere or I had selected the wrong thing, but I tried about 10 separate times and everything was exactly correct, so I have no idea what the problem is. But basically, that meant no Barcelona and no other Ryanair flights because I couldn't buy the ticket.

That left me with the option of just trains, and just traveling east or south (to avoid traveling through France). I remembered that I won't be going to Prague with my parents after all, and it's only 2 hours away, so that's the easiest option for a last-minute trip (literally planned the night before and day-of).

So there it is. I leave shortly, and I am very excited because I've heard it is a gorgeous city. I'm not too keen on spending Thanksgiving and my birthday by myself, but I'd rather travel than stay in Dresden another weekend - especially when I am very quickly running out of time to travel. I'll thank myself later, and I'll be sure to treat myself nice while I'm there.

(I will have my computer and the hostel has free wifi, so check back for updates and stuff, and that means I'll be contact-able).

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Eat some turkey for me!

More pictures

I'm sorry I have failed you when it comes to posting new pictures - I have been terribly behind. But luckily I have uploaded TONS of new ones today! So go check them out!

No real theme, just rambles

The sun sets these days around 4:45-5:00. Yes, it is completely pitch black by about 5pm every day. That being said, here's how I spent my weekend:

Friday night I went to dinner at my host family's house, where Minami (the other Rotary scholar who is Japanese) cooked us all a fantastic Japanese dinner. We had lots of fun doing things her way, including table manners and order of eating.

Saturday Jordan and I went to Königstein, a small little town with a really huge castle/fort. It was really cold, there was snow on the ground, and we had to climb a mountain in the wet and fallen leaves - I swore I would break my ankle by the end of the day, but luckily I came out whole. The weather was pretty crappy but it was cool because there was so much fog and mist, and we were climbing a mountain through the forest on our way to a giant castle, and we were convinced Frodo Baggins and Gandalf would come around the corner any minute.

Then today I went to an orchestra concert for the Musikhochschule, that lucky for me was in the opera house! They played fantastically and the opera house is gorgeous. Then I met up with one of Chris McCains friends from Würzburg who was in town for the weekend, and her boyfriend (who studies here, the reason she was in town of course), and had a lovely afternoon getting to know them.

The more Germans I meet, the more I am reassured that they really ARE nice people. Then I have another altercation with my roommate. Yesterday morning I was in the kitchen, and he came in and sort-of struck up a conversation:
P: You've been out a lot lately, haven't you.
R: Yeah, why not? There's a lot of stuff to see.
P: Well, I don't have anything against it, but it'd be nice if you cleaned the kitchen once in a while.
R: Wait a minute...I rarely use the kitchen. I'm not going to clean up someone else's mess when they cook and don't clean, and I'm not going to wash someone else's dirty dishes. When I do use the kitchen I completely clean up my things start to finish, but that's all I will do.
P: Well....it'd be nice if you at least sweep the floor every now and then.
R: Fine. I'll sweep the floor. But I'm not cleaning up other people's messes.

So then this morning I heard him on the phone complaining about me - telling whomever about his American roommate who is lazy and rude, and never wants to help out or do anything...and our walls are so thin I could hear every word. This kitchen was dirty when I first set foot in the apartment, people consistently leave dirty dishes all over the place and don't wipe up their messes, and I will not take responsibility for something I have never contributed to. And I don't think the adjectives "lazy" and "rude" could ever be used to describe me.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland, and other stuff

When it's snowing outside, there are two urges that exist inside me - one is to go outside and play in it, the other is to stay inside, curl up under a blanket, and watch it from the window. Nowhere on this list do I mention enjoying going to class in the snow, especially when I am 30 seconds late for the bus and have to walk 25 minutes while it's snowing. Luckily it's not uphill both ways.

But the ground is still not cold enough for anything to stick, so snow comes down and melts into water on the ground. Today I wore knee socks, lined boots, jeans, tshirt, knit turtleneck, sweater, jacket, hat, scarf, and gloves, and was barely comfortable. And unfortunately I don't think I will see the number "4" in the temperature for a very long time, unless it is preceded by a "3." Our average high these days is about 35, and it's only gonna get colder.

Today was an interesting day. Aforementioned "class" was music history at the university, and it proved to be no different than usual (i.e. not stellar). It's the sixth week of class and we're still discussing Gregorian Chants, and she doesn't explain anything in a logical enough way for students to understand how things develop. Luckily I took this class last year at UGA, so I actually know what's going on. It's not the language that's the problem - I understand about 95% of it, and the parts I don't understand are when the professor starts speaking incoherently and mumbling about who knows what, so there's nothing to understand. But it gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I guess.

This afternoon I met a fellow "school music" student for coffee, and had a very interesting discussion about the different approaches to music education in USA and here. As it turns out there is no such thing as classroom instrumental music instruction, so my specific course of study doesn't even exist here. It's all done at community music schools and through private teachers, and the students may or may not even have bands or orchestras to play in, and the instrument opportunities depend on the available individual teachers. Every now and then the upper level schools (like our high schools) will offer instrumental music, but not usually. "School music" is more of a general music education - similar to our elementary music, but more advanced, plus a bit of theory and history. And it's usually taught once a week and in conjunction with art.

So when students major in school music at the university, they don't really learn the same things I do. There are no instrumental methods classes because there is no need to learn to play all the instruments - they don't really even HAVE to study a specific instrument, but everyone has to learn voice and piano. Only people who intend to be professional conductors study conducting. Their education methods classes are also completely different because we are being trained to teach completely different things.

Apparently what I study is referred to here as "pedagogy," whereas in the USA "pedagogy" is usually in reference to piano or Suzuki instruction, not broad instrumental music. Even then, their concept of pedagogy is still more geared toward specific instruments, rather than classroom instruction.

I was really pretty shocked to find all this out, but it explains a lot about why I've had so many difficulties finding classes that are appropriate for me - because the concept of what I do doesn't exist here. It is interesting, though, because such a big part of the American music education philosophy is that music should be for everyone, and everyone should have an opportunity to learn music and play an instrument - and here it is completely dependent on community schools, what private teachers are available in the area, and whether the parents have money to pay for these schools. The concept of band and orchestra as part of school is a completely foreign concept (quite literally, I guess). But the society as a whole is still much more supportive of fine arts than ours is. Interesting.

So then this afternoon I was sitting in my room, and heard two guys talking in the hall outside my room. I didn't listen to what they were saying, because I figured one of my roommates just had a friend come over. A few minutes afterward, I left my room and there was a note on my door asking about the key to the music room (which is in my possession). I was shocked - I had been sitting in my room the whole time! Why didn't they just knock?

Ich bin ein Berliner

at heart. No, I'm not a jelly donut, but I really really really liked the city. (And I'm exhausted, so this post might not make much sense, but I want to write it anyway)

I'll try not to ramble excessively as to everything I did, but Berlin is just cool. It has so much history, so many stories, and it's still evolving - parts of the history are hundreds of years old, but a lot of it is still developing. Friday was the eighteenth anniversary of the fall of the Wall. I was alive for this very important part of history.

But anyway - onto the highlights of the trip. I had Friday to myself and my friend Jordan joined me on Saturday. This weekend was probably some of the worst weather I have ever experienced, and my supposedly "heavy duty flip resistant" umbrella is now completely bent and broken. During my first half hour in the city I stopped in Starbucks (I REALLY miss American coffee) and went to see the Brandenberg Gate. I attempted to balance my Gingerbread Latte, camera, and umbrella while fighting the fierce wind and rain, and somehow amidst the chaos my camera stopped working. Completely.
I have no pictures of my weekend after this point, and only have Jordan's pictures.

We did all the typical Berlin stuff - Brandenberg Gate, Checkpoint Charlie, the big cathedral, Potsdamer Platz (a square where the Wall went right down the middle, and it ended up being differently developed on either side - weird!), Topography of Terror, Jewish Museum, currywurst, and other stuff. And it snowed - TWICE!!! It was amazing.

Friday, on a whim, I went to Symphony Hall to see what the odds were I could get a ticket for that evening's Berlin Philharmonic concert (one of the best orchestras in the world). Not only did I buy THE last ticket, but I also was able to observe another orchestra's rehearsal in the hall - I just walked up to a violin player as she walked in the building, and asked if I could come listen. So I shared the hall with two other "audience members" and listened to a fantastic rehearsal.

Then that evening was the actual Berlin Philharmonic concert. Seeing as I bought the very last ticket, it was fitting that I had the seat farthest away from stage in the whole hall. I literally watched the first half standing up, because I couldn't see the stage if I sat, and watched the second half sitting on the floor looking over the balcony. It was totally worth it. They played Mahler 10 - amazing! I definitely had never before heard an orchestra of this caliber, and I was blown away.

So guess who was sitting in the flute section of the orchestra....none other than Ms. Jones-Reus (the flute prof at UGA)! Erin had told me she would be in Berlin for a while, but I had no idea if she still was here. It was so exciting to see her - not only because it was great to see someone I know playing with the Berlin Phil, but also because I was thrilled to see someone I know. Because I had been backstage earlier that day and knew how to get there, I convinced the security guard to let me in after the concert to find her. She and I sat and talked for a while, and she introduced me to some of her friends (that's right - I got to hang out with members of the Berlin Phil!). The whole evening was totally a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

And for now, that's all I got. It is so cold here right now - it snowed Saturday, it snowed today, and it's supposed to snow for the next three more days. The ground is still too warm, so none of it is sticking, but the high every day is about 35 degrees. I have never been in consistently cold temperatures like this in my life, and my body is exhausted from keeping warm and just wants to hibernate - plus I'm tired from a very busy weekend.

Oh yeah.....and go Dawgs! Way to beat up on Auburn!

Berlin!

I'm going to Berlin tomorrow! At the last minute I decided to take this trip. Friday is the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall and the anniversary of Kristallnacht (Night of Broken Glass in WWII), and what better place to spend these than in Berlin! I'll be there until Sunday - I'm super excited.

Talk is cheap

I ramble too much.

P.S. it sleeted today. And we are supposed to have an inch of snow by tomorrow morning. Sunday's high is 30.

What are the German Universities like?

I just realized that I have yet to actually describe what it's like to be a student at a German university. Aside from being interesting, I think this entry will help shed some light on the entire issue at hand.

(In this post I can really only compare the TU Dresden to the University of Georgia (and other SEC schools), because I can't really speak with much authority on anything else. So even though I might make sweeping generalizations, I am aware that my knowledge and experience is limited.)

The biggest difference I have noticed between Athens and this place is there is no presence of a collective university community or student culture. College is a place the Germans come to go to class, rather than being a much more social experience and an all-around lifestyle like it is in the US. There are no student organizations or clubs or common areas or activities, and there are no "groups" to belong to - at least that I have been able to find. There is a drastic lack of opportunities to participate, and the school is the size of UGA - with no central student body. There is no real community concept here like at home we are all part of the "Bulldog Nation," and there is no downtown area where everyone goes to socialize every weekend (there are tons of bars and clubs but they're scattered all around town, so how do you know where the "good" ones are without someone telling you?). I never realized how even though UGA is huge I always felt like I belonged there; it ran through my blood and the other students were just part of a big family.

There are no sports teams here, either. I didn't realize how much of a difference university sports make, and how they give the student body a reason to unite and come together to cheer for "your school" and collectively hate "the other school." In addition, I have yet to see one piece of university spiritwear on the entire campus. Part of that is due to German history and national pride that got them into so much trouble way back when, and it transferred over to other aspects of life too.

Classes themelves are also drastically different. The concept of core classes or electives doesn't exist - they start their freshman year taking their major classes, and stay within this field the entire time. And I'm finding out very quickly that classes are mainly student-directed and the professor takes a very passive role. For instance, I tried out a music history class at the Musikhochschule for the first time on Tuesday. As best as I could gather, Day One of the semester the teacher gave the class a list of 42 books and said "read these." Then in class every week the professor asks "ok, so did anyone read about anything interesting since last time? Does anyone have any questions about what you read?" and that's all he teaches. Because German universities are free, the question always arises of whether the professors are giving the students the initiative or if they are too lazy to be more hands-on and active presenters of information. It is very different from UGA, where such emphasis is (usually) placed on lectures and notes. Is it better to be so guided, structured, and regimented, like at home, or is it better to have total freedom and no guidance like here? Maybe somewhere in the middle.

As far as tests and assignments are concerned, the entire semester has no concrete assignments until the final test. It's every student's responsibility to read all books the professor puts on the reading list, and know the material in the books, then pass the end-of-semester test on the material. The lectures, from what I have witnessed, are broad and unspecific, and most of the semester work is reading books. Sometimes classes will require an oral presentation to get an additional credit toward the diploma. And that's the only way the university knows what classes each student takes - by whether they earn the test and/or presentation credit. There is no registrar's office and no OASIS system to register for classes - you just kinda show up to what you want, based on what credits you need.

It's all very interesting, and very different from what I am used to. There are still many things I don't know how to do or things I don't know about the system, but I guess all that you just learn as you go. Or not.

Two Month Reflection

Wow…the two month reflection. I can’t believe it is only two months – I seriously had to double-check on a calendar because I swear I have been here longer. I decided I want to do one of these every month, because it’s a good way for me to look back and think about the bigger picture, and since this blog is also quasi serving as my own journal in addition to a communication tool, it’s time to reflect. And I’m going to be honest.

I dubbed my month in Frankfurt as “the hardest month of my life” – but actually, I think this month takes the cake. As hard as it was in that city, I knew it wasn’t permanent – and maybe that was part of why it was so hard. I knew I couldn’t settle in and get comfortable. But since I’ve been here, and I know I do need to settle in and get comfortable, and try to actually start making a life for myself because I’ll be here for a while, I have had more roadblocks than successes. And it’s easy to get frustrated and worn down when you have an open canvas and no paint to fill it, and no matter how hard you look, you can’t find paint to start your artwork.

I’ll let you go back on your own and read the various entries where I chronicled all the frustrating situations I have dealt with, but I’d like to think that I have done a reasonable job in attempting to get myself in the right places at the right times, and using available resources to do the best job I could. Coming up on the fourth week of school and fifth week in Dresden, I don’t feel like I know much more than I did when I first got here. And I’m not satisfied with the artwork that is forming.

What’s really the problem, as broad and general as I can make it? Am I homesick? Am I lonely? Am I frustrated? I know I don’t like the university, but why?

Depending on who you are and when we last talked, there are several different states of being I have embodied in the past month, with varying degrees of extremity, most of them centered around one theme – I’m just not happy here.

But how unhappy is “just not happy?” And how long is it ok, both logistically and healthily, to be “just not happy?”

I think the main problem, the concept that I can’t seem to get out of my head, is most days I really just feel like I’m wasting time here. I only have a handful of classes and I don’t enjoy most of them because (in my opinion) they are poorly taught and aren’t really worth the energy to come to class. It’s a shame, really, because the classes I have in mind in this description are my German-as-a-foreign-language class and my music history classes. I chose these classes to help me learn the language AND material, but unfortunately I’m not really learning either thus far. It is four weeks into the semester and I want to completely revamp my schedule, again, just to find activities that seem worthwhile to me, but four weeks in, can I really join new classes? I’m not taking them for credit, anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.

It doesn’t really matter.

With every door that slams in my face, or every roadblock I try desperately to overcome, I just have to keep repeating that phrase to myself. Because in the long run, what am I really doing over here anyway? None of this really matters. And anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I don’t like to waste time.

I chose to take a year off school and delay my graduation for a year in order to do this, in order to have this experience of living overseas for a year. So far my “living” consists of not much to write home about – literally – and as much as I am trying to get out of my room and explore, and see things, and really live, and paint my canvas, there’s only so much I can do, or want to do, or is safe to do, by myself. In the cold and in the rain. And in the midst of train strikes on the national railway system.

By myself? Gosh, I’ve been here for a month already, don’t I know anyone? Read this post in order to answer that question. East Germans aren’t exactly warm and welcoming to Americans, or new people at all, and most of the international students are here in groups and also aren’t really open to meeting other international students who don’t speak their native language. Emily commented on the aforementioned post and said “well, the Swiss can’t ignore me for the whole year!” But I think the Germans can. They’re not mean – they just can’t think of any good reason for me to register on their radar. And until I “learn how things go” I can’t seem to get myself to register, but I can’t “learn how things go” until someone lets me in enough to learn. I’m not giving up yet, but there’s a reason my only real friends over here, after a month, are another American and another Rotary scholar.

Do I see things improving? I have no idea. I can’t speculate on things I don’t know anything about, including this university and the German people, and it’s hard to accurately judge this situation – do I base it on the current state of things, or things as I want them to be or hope they work out to be?

I think I got in over my head. I think Rotary was right in the first place when they said I was too young and I should come back later – after all, I am the youngest Ambassadorial Scholar I have met or seen thus far. I’m the only one who has not yet finished college, who is not doing some sort of graduate degree or graduate work, who still has so many ties to “the life I left.” In the end, they did end up giving me this scholarship. Maybe I shouldn’t have left, but I did. I accepted the scholarship, I chose this city and I chose this school. I can’t really change any of that now.

So what do I do now? I really want things to work out here and for it to be an amazing experience, but is it better to have a mediocre experience here or get one more semester at UGA? I don't want to give up because it's hard, but if it is going to turn into bad a situation that isn't worth my time, I need to be smart about it. Is it still a great opportunity that I would be walking away from, or am I just realizing how screwed up this system is? Can I really do this for another 9 months?? Should I keep trying to break through barriers, just keep fighting and keep my fingers crossed, in hopes that eventually something might work out? Or should I get out while I can still repair some of the damage, and still get out of college in a decent amount of time? I have to do some serious thinking and weigh my options. What really is the most beneficial place for me to be? And what decision will I regret more in the long run?

Depending on the day, my answer is always different.

I know that technically speaking, my scholarship is to be a cultural ambassador, not necessarily a student. But my full title is “Academic Year Ambassadorial Scholar,” and the purpose is to be here and study and learn. There is a separate 6-month long scholarship to purely do cultural activities. I know they still want me to be a cultural ambassador, and the school thing should be on the back burner, but I’m having a really hard time supporting that idea.

But I haven’t forgotten that I do need to soak up as much culture as I can. Every time the weather is nice, and sometimes even when it’s not, I kill time walking around the city and seeing what there is to see. I traveled to Leipzig last weekend, and hopefully can get out and travel more. This weekend I attended a concert and city tour as part of the Jewish Culture Week. I sign up for as many university-sponsored cultural events as I can.

I can’t let myself walk away until I feel like I have exhausted every opportunity and still can’t build anything that is worth it. After all, school is still new. But if I want to come home, I need to make that decision soon because the UGA semester is more than halfway over.

I guess this “reflection” ended up being a lot longer than I intended, but I wanted to put all that out there. In case I do decide to take drastic action, it won’t be a new idea and it won’t be a surprise. But if I decide to stick it out and see what happens, it’s just another battle along the way that makes the experience what it is.

Actually, this is really the first “big girl,” adult, life-altering decision I have ever made. Yes I applied for the scholarship, but it didn’t take any courage or long thoughts to apply, and all I did was say yes when they gave it to me. But the decision to stay or go - that’s one that carries a lot more weight.

Any thoughts or opinions you may have, I’d love to hear them.

Darkness falls

We switched back from Daylight Saving Time today....one week earlier than the U.S. It is currently 6pm....and completely pitch black outside. It's gonna be a long winter.

GO DAWGS!!

Last night I got to watch the Georgia game!!! And it wasn't just any Georgia game - it was FLORIDA. And we WON!!!!!

Friday night I went to the "American Bar" to ask if there was any possibility that they would show the game - they subscribe to an American sports channel via satellite, so seeing as it was a 3:30 CBS game, I asked if it was on this channel. Sure enough it was, so they told me if I came on Saturday they'd turn the game on!

So of course I came on Saturday. All decked out in Georgia stuff, with my friend Jordan (from Clemson) for company, we parked ourselves in this bar and I soaked up every second of the game. It was wonderful.

It's amazing how much that kind of thing gets under your skin - I have really missed the Dawgs this year and really missed football. After three years of Redcoats and attending virtually every game (except for the Derbies-only away games when I was an underclassman), an entire season when I have been so far away and unable to watch anything at all has been really hard. After years of participation, and eating-breathing-sleeping-living Georgia sports for so long, it feels like a part of me is incomplete without any connection to it.

And sitting there in the bar last night, I realized why.

It was a very surreal experience, watching this game on tv from halfway across the world. Especially because I knew that if I hadn't been sitting in that bar watching, I would be sitting in that stadium experiencing it live. I never got my "last Florida trip," and if I hadn't been here, I would have been there. And I knew exactly what it felt like to be there. Three years in a row I had been in that stadium, sat in those seats, celebrated wins and mourned losses, been on that field, worn that uniform. And everyone I went through it with was still in that stadium, still doing it one last time, and I was watching it from satellite tv in Germany. I knew exactly what it would have felt like to be there, celebrating with Katie and Carmen and Katie and Gabe and Matt and the others, screaming so loudly you're hoarse the next day, jumping up and down, playing Glory so loud you think your lips will burst, and so fast the drum major can barely keep up, and everybody's crying and shouting and celebrating and taking pictures and we can all hardly believe that the experience is real. For them, yesterday, it was. For me, it was a memory of how it used to be. When I went through the season last year, I didn't know it would probably be the last time.

I chose to leave. I chose to forgo my last year of that in order to do this. But that's what makes it hard - I know exactly what I'm missing. And I saw it last night on tv.

Once a Dawg, always a Dawg. How sweet it is.

Check it out

Organ concert in the Kreuzkirche!
Sorry they're sideways...I can't figure out how to turn them.
Also - click the play button in the bottom left corner, not the one on the screen, or else it will reroute you to youtube. Enjoy!

Shining happy people?

I just had to briefly share this experience as a followup of yesterday's post:

My parents sent me flowers last week - ordered them via internet I guess? The delivery lady showed up at my door and handed me a big bouquet, but I needed something to put them in - I had no vase since a vase wasn't on my list of necessities to buy as soon as I moved here, but I found a quart-size measuring cup in the cabinet that was big enough.

Roommate Phillip knocked on my door today asking if I knew what happened to a missing measuring cup. The conversation went something like this:

P: Have you seen a measuring cup that was in the kitchen?
R: Oh, yeah, sorry - (briefly explained story and why I taken it). I'm really sorry! They're pretty much dead now, so here, I'll empty and wash the vase and put it back in the cabinet now. (proceeds to empty and wash)
P: Well, I needed it last weekend and I couldn't find it.
R: I'm sorry! I didn't know you were looking for it!
(meanwhile, P followed me into the kitchen and is watching me wash the "vase")
R: Oh, well, do you need it now?
P: No, but I might this weekend. You know, if you're going to keep flowers, you should buy a vase.
R: Well yes, I know that, but I didn't know I was receiving these flowers, so I didn't have a vase ahead of time. I didn't bring one with me from the U.S. Sorry I took your cup when you needed it.
P: Well why did you use this measuring cup?
R: I didn't have a vase and I had nothing else to put these flowers in. This cup was the biggest thing I could find. Sorry!
P: Well, I asked everyone else if they knew where it was but you were gone this weekend so I didn't ask you (my reaction: but it's Friday! that was six days ago!).
R: Yes, I was out of town. Sorry I had your [stupid] measuring cup!

Geez! What else do you want me to say? If no one is ever around, how am I supposed to know and ask what I can use?

What are the people like here in Germany?

After living in this apartment for almost four weeks I just had the first conversation ever with one of my roommates. It prompted me to write an entry about what the people are like over here - and that one statement pretty much sums it up. The end.

No but seriously - I live in an apartment of five people, and I never see any of them. Not even Phillip, the guy I hung out with a few times in the beginning. It is so hard to get used to, especially after living with my best friends in Athens to living with total strangers here. Doors are always shut, no one makes noise, and I think they all even eat in their rooms, because I never even see anyone in the kitchen - which should be the communal spend-time-here-place. Tonight I went to wash some of my dishes in the sink and stumbled upon Paul cooking some pasta. I struck up a conversation and started to actually get to know who this guy is who lives on the other side of the wall - and when his pasta was done, he picked up the pan off the stove and brought it all in his room. Just like that. Didn't even take the pasta out of the pan first.

That is what most of my experiences with Germans have been like - they're not mean, but it really doesn't occur to them to talk to people they don't know. They don't see the point in getting to know new people or exchanging courtesies or even initiating conversation for the first time. You can sit next to someone at a table in the dining hall and never even make eye contact - and that's totally normal.

That's why they are always so put off when I ask for help - because they are taken aback that someone actually had the nerve to talk to them and interrupt their life to ask a foolish question. Same goes for being in public places - don't dare bump into anyone, and if you do don't try to apologize, because then you have interrupted them twice - the first time when you got in their way, the second time when you talked to them.

In my classes the people haven't necessarily been unfriendly to me - just generally disinterested in pursuing any sort of dialogue. Every now and then I'll meet someone who talks back, but then after class when I turn to ask his/her name, they're already halfway out the door. It's such a different philosophy than what I'm used to from being an American college student - everyone at UGA is generally very friendly, and constantly exchanging cell phone numbers and emails, and asking if you want to join them for lunch, meet them downtown on weekends, etc.

Slowly but surely I'm starting to make some international friends and realizing that we're all experiencing the same unintentional cold shoulder from the Germans - and it's almost become a joke that we live here in Germany, but don't actually know any Germans. I had to learn how to laugh about it and how not to think that it was a fault of mine for not having success and not knowing how to make friends. Chris likes to laugh at me because I get so excited every time I actually do have a conversation with someone - but it's the small victories that (hopefully) eventually lead to actual friendships.

I'll figure it out eventually, but I just really hope I don't return to America cold and distanced like the people I live with. I just have to keep in mind that fifteen years ago this place was a communist country, and that history helps explain a lot about why things are the way they are. These people have known life in such a harder and coarser way than I have, and they chose their manner of coping and living - I'll learn what they have to offer, then figure out what works for me.

Pictures!

I know you are intelligent people, dear readers, but I do want to take a moment to discuss the link to the right of the page entitled "Pictures."

A while ago, before the days of Facebook photo albums, I kept up with a Webshots page to share all my pictures. Luckily the account still exists (and still has my old pictures still on the site), so I brought it back to life to share pictures that are better quality and easier to access for everyone.

I linked the site over there to the right on this page, and it will take you to my pictures page, which contains several albums within the site. That means no more "click this link to see my pictures from this album, and that link for that album, etc."

Sometimes I may forget to write when I post new pictures, so check it periodically to see if anything is new. I'll try to remember to say something, but odds are, if I did something cool I'll post pictures of it.

Like now - I posted pictures from my weekend in Leipzig! Check 'em out!

If you're too lazy to move your mouse to the right, here's the link :-)

Slow but steady wins the race

I don't really have much to write, but I'm just checking in to say that things are, actually, fine.

I went to Leipzig this weekend to see my friends Anne and Raul that I met in Frankfurt. We didn't do a whole lot - I went to see them, not the city, so we just took it easy. We did walk around the city before I headed back on Sunday, and I got to visit the Thomaskirche and see Bach's grave. That experience was pretty amazing - it wasn't just anybody, it was Bach. The guy who pretty much invented music theory, the guy I studied and researched intensively last year, the guy who wrote so much music we perform and listen to daily. And this weekend I just hopped on a train to the next city over, and visited Bach's grave. Pretty cool.

This week so far has actually been a pretty average school week. I may retract this statement later in the week, but I think I have my class schedule mostly figured out. I have a music pedagogy and a music history class at the university, plus a German-as-foreign-language course. I have another music ed course at the Musikhochschule, and maybe more there - we'll see.

Yesterday I went to my first class at the Musikhochschule - and as it so happens, the director of the school teaches this class. He was really cool and pretty much told me I can do what I want and take what I want. There are only twelve people in this class, so there's no hiding in the back corner and no way the other students can't notice me - but so far they all seem really nice and welcoming. Unfortunately I had to talk to the professor after class instead of talking to them, but the class feels promising.

Other than that, not much is really happening - I'm just letting things go and am glad that they are starting to slowly fall into place.

More Random Observations

The Germans sell yogurt in jars, so if you’re like me and eat a lot of yogurt, you can buy it in jars that contain about 3-4 cartons’ worth of the stuff.

I found out the hard way that you can’t open the dryers to check how close to done your clothes are….unless you want them to be done right then and there because the dryer won’t start back up without more money. Or else your room will end up looking like this:


The way most of my initial conversations with people go:
“I can hear you have an accent, where are you from?….You’re American? How is it that you speak such good German?” (Does that mean most Americans speak poor German?)

No one eats while they walk. This practice is all too common in America, and I still fully participate, so I often get funny looks here when I stand at a bus stop or walk down the street eating a banana or granola bar or something. This difference is compounded by the fact that they don’t sell travel coffee mugs here – it took me literally hours and hours to finally find one.

Ikea gives free refills! It is the only such place I have seen since my tenure in this country. They had to advertise it like crazy with red signs everywhere reminding people that they could actually refill their drinks when they were finished. I was a pro, and took advantage of it a few times, of course.

Text messaging in German is really awkward. And yes, my phone has predictive text in German.

I bought “American” salad dressing the other day, just to see what “American” salad dressing is. I figured it would be Ranch, but it is definitely some sort of tomato-basil-ish type thing, that I certainly haven’t ever eaten in the States. It’s good though.

Snow is in the forecast next week.

In a conversation with a Rotarian who spent some time in America, he asked me what my least favorite part about Germany is. I told him it was the bureaucracy and how long it takes to get anything done over here. His least favorite part about America: he thought the people were too friendly. “I don’t want anyone at the cash register to talk to me, or on the bus, or in the elevator – Americans talk to each other too much!” I laughed and told him that’s one of the things I miss most about home - the people are nice and actually approachable.

Musicians > Bureaucracy, vol II

After another long emotional battle of "what am I going to do next," I finally heard back from someone at the music school. He told me to come by and talk to the secretary about getting permission to sit in on some classes.

I went there today, and guess what? I now hold in my hand a piece of paper that gives me permission to take pretty much what I want at the music school, provided the professors sign off on it (but the secretary said they always will). I have to pay 50 euros, but I get my own student ID and everything! They also gave me the school handbook with the class registry, teacher directory, and how to do everything. If only the university had their stuff together like this.

Next I went to the International Residence Office to attempt to get my student visa, Take 2. They sent me away last time because it was too soon after I registered as a resident, and my face was too small in my passport pictures. I got new passport pictures, and painstakingly went through all my paperwork for the second time to make sure I had everything right. Didn't get it again. This is why:

-Instead of the financial guarantee letter from Rotary that tells them I have a scholarship and will be financially secure, they need the actual printout of my bank account statement showing that there is money inside.
-Instead of my admissions letter for the university, I need my enrollment certificate from the university (even though the paperwork said the admissions letter was fine).
-Instead of a form from the insurance company that says I registered for the plan, I need a piece of paper showing that I am covered - not just registered.

Oy vey. I bet they secretly laugh about all the people they send away for such ridiculous reasons.

Goodbye Warmth

So the past few days here have been gorgeous - sunny and warm (relatively speaking - it was mid-60s!).

I checked the weather today - tomorrow it will rain all day, followed by a plummeting of temperatures.

The highs for the next few days:
Today (Wednesday): 68
Thursday: 47
Friday: 43
Saturday: 43
Sunday: 41

Brr.

Strike 5

They say music is a universal language, but apparently the language of oboe doesn't translate.

I had my audition today with the university orchestra. There was one spot open and two people auditioning, and I figured that three years of college music major playing experience would hopefully give me a leg up on the non music major competition.

The audition came and went, and considering the circumstances (i.e. just moving to a foreign country and not having a lot of practice opportunities amidst the chaos) I played decently and I was satisfied. It was a weird setting - there were approximately 20 people sitting in the room listening to my audition.

Just a few minutes ago I got an email from the orchestra - summarized and translated, this is what it said:

"We're sorry to inform you that you didn't make the orchestra. As you well know, the American and German concepts of oboe tone are very different, and we feel that your tone will not blend in with this oboe section in the orchestra. It was a decision purely based on tone, not playing ability."

So there it is. The Technology University of Dresden Campus Orchestra, at a university without a music school, doesn't want me because I play like an American oboe player (imagine that). So now what are my options for decent ensembles if this orchestra won't even take me? I don't take it personally at all, and that's what makes it worse. It would have been easier to stomach if they said I didn't play well or the other guy outplayed me, but it is just because of cultural differences in the concept of sound.

Luckily I happened to meet the concertmaster of the Dresden Philharmonic Orchestra today because he happens to be a Rotarian. I'll call him tomorrow and ask him about options. In addition, according to my music pedagogy professor they're gonna work it out so I can take classes at the Musikhochschule, but as of now no one has actually contacted me about it. Assuming that works, I'll see if I can get another foot in the door there.

But right now, I'm really not happy.

God Bless America(ns)

I had a great weekend. I deliberately forgot all about the mayhem from school for three days and made a distinct effort to just enjoy myself in the city, relax, and have fun. It worked!

I went to Ikea, walked ALL OVER the city, ate lunch at a cafe on the river, got myself acquainted with stuff. Sunday I slept late, read some, and watched some "tv" (the internet is a great tool).

But I think the greatest thing that has happened since Thursday is I now have friends! That's right - and a lot of them too.

I met this kid Jordan at the first international student meeting - we happened to randomly sit next to each other, struck up a conversation (in German of course), and it turns out he's from Pittsburgh and goes to Clemson - at which point we promptly stopped speaking German and resorted to our mother tongue. He is on a DAAD scholarship, which means he's kind of in the same boat I am - on his own and here for a year. A few days later he found me on Facebook, and thus became the only person I have seen/talked to more than once.

Jordan happened to be placed in the international dorm with all the kids on the exchange program from Boston University - there's 30 of them, here for 4.5 months, taking classes in English and not really at the university - because none of them speak German. Friday night Jordan invited me to go out with this group of people, and it was wonderful. (It's very interesting - they are jealous of the fact that I speak German and have the opportunity to meet other non-American people, but I am jealous of the fact that they're here together and have each other.)

Every single person who was with us that night was so excited to meet me, made an effort to have a one-on-one conversation with me, exchanged emails and cell phone numbers, and made plans to see me again. They have two "counselors" with their group who told me to call them if I ever needed anything (but I don't know how much they can do with the university because they're not really affiliated).

They also have a Sunday-night ritual to go to an "American" bar every Sunday night because they show NFL football - Jordan and I went by ourselves last week because they were all out of town, but several of them came this Sunday night. I have plans to see them on Tuesday too! I don't want to be one of those international students who comes here and just makes friends with other Americans, but right now it's really good to know that this whole group of people exists and they want me to feel comfortable here.

Germans are very introverted people and are very hard to meet or have initial conversations with, or to try to see again. I know I will make friends in time, especially once I actually have classes to go to, but it felt really good not to have to pretend I also have an introverted personality in order to meet these people. I don't feel "myself" when I speak German - I feel like I'm pretending to be somebody I'm not and I am only telling half-truths. I know that will also improve with time as I get more comfortable with expressing myself in the language, but it's a weird concept that never crossed my mind before I started only speaking German. We'll see.

But as far as this week goes - I get to go to my first Rotary meeting tomorrow! And still no response from the second round of emails I sent, and it's getting almost too late to do anything about all of that, because this week classes really START. *shrugs shoulders* Not really anything else I can do....

Musicians > Bureaucracy

That is the lesson I learned today. It had the potential to be another disastrous day, but I have now learned to sidestep all the "official" people who are "supposed" to give me answers and advice, and know that musicians take care of their own.

My day started at the Musikhochschule in an effort to find out how to fix my broken oboe (and see if I could get my foot in the door). The problem is, and the reason I ended up at this university in the first place, is I found out too late that the School of Music is its own separate entity, not affiliated with the university, and my scholarship is for the university. But I needed an excuse to show up, and a legitimately non-functioning oboe is a good reason.

(It's having a temper tantrum because of the climate change I bet....the pads won't seal and I think it's because of the sudden cold and dry air here. How convenient, especially when I have an audition on Monday!)

But back to the story - I got there this morning and just wandered the halls for a long time, remembering what it feels like to be in a music school, and promised myself I would try every avenue to somehow become associated with this place. I asked the secretary where I could find the oboe professors (they have 4!); she said no one was in at this time but I could come back between 4-6 and someone would be here. Cool.

I then headed to "my own" school to meet with another Rotarian professor who said he'd help me make heads or tails of this mess called taking classes. He said he'd be in his office between 11-2. I came at 12:45, his secretary said he was gone for the day.

Next I went to the International office to speak with the lady who hadn't emailed me back yet. They had open office hours this afternoon, so someone should have been there. Unfortunately the lady I wanted to talk to was out sick today. I talked to someone else, and she said that this office couldn't really help anyway, so she suggested I talk to the student adviser in my department. I told her I tried and it was worthless.

I had an appointment at 2:30 with the music pedagogy professor, and thankfully she was there and I had a great meeting with her. I thanked her about two dozen times and told her she was the only professor who had responded and shown up when she promised, and made sure to let her know how much I appreciated it. She sat with me for about half an hour, talking about options, classes of hers I could take, how things work, and more people to talk to. That's what I needed about a week ago - but unfortunately she could only answer specific questions about her own department, so I have to go talk to different professors to find out about music history and education stuff.

Apparently, up until last year there was a full-size music education program at the university - but the professor left and they never replaced him, but all the students were still here - so she's really not a full professor, she just teaches all the classes. But........the good (hopefully) news is that they have a partnership with the Musikhochschule so that their students can take some ed classes there - she gave me a name of a person to contact to ask. That would be great. I emailed him this afternoon.

Excited and high-spirited from this meeting, I headed back to the Musikhochschule (it's about 25 minutes away by streetcar, unfortunately not close to campus). The secretary directed me to where the oboe teacher was. I found the room, knocked, and a man holding an oboe answered (always good!), but he was in the middle of teaching a lesson. I immediately apologized like crazy and said I'd come back later, but he said "no, no! Come inside! What can I do for you?"

I told him my situation and how I had no idea where to go except to come here, and he said "well of course I'll help you. Go ahead and get out your oboe and we'll take a look...while your reed is soaking do you mind if the student and I finish working on this passage?" (Are you kidding? It's her lesson! She was absolutely phenomenal, by the way.)

Sure enough, he couldn't fix the problem, but told me where I should bring it to get it fixed. He was lovely and chatted with me for a while, as long as he really could while putting this girl's lesson on pause. I wanted to ask him about lessons (I don't really care who teaches me, just as long as I can have one every now and then) and playing opportunities, but this wasn't the time. But now I've established a contact and I can follow up on it soon!

Like I said, musicians take care of their own.

At this point, I have seriously emailed every single person I can think of or who has been recommended to me, and the ball is in their court. If all else fails, I can take music history and a few pedagogy classes and call it a day. Classes only meet once a week here, for an hour and a half each, so keep that in mind while imagining my schedule.

I think I deserve a break. I have decided I am intentionally ignoring school tomorrow and spending the three-day weekend having fun exploring the city and going to Ikea. :-)

Strike 4

I just got back from what I thought was going to be a music history class. I was really excited about it, because it was the only class I knew I was allowed to take and I knew what it was, plus I had planned on cornering the professor after class to talk about all this other stuff and see if I could get some help.

Class was set to start at 9:20. I got there a little after 9, sat down in the room, and waited. And waited. And no one came. Finally a girl stuck her head in the room and said "oh, are you here for the music history class? Those lectures don't start til next week." I asked her how she knew; she said there was a bulletin board upstairs that had it all listed.

I'm so glad I am finding all this information in adequate time to actually DO something about it. Not.

I guess you're wondering what strikes 2 and 3 were. They were the two classes I attempted to attend yesterday, both of which were completely inappropriate for me, and both of which I was supposed to sign up for last week, neither of which I knew before I got in the door. Class 1 was a "just for fun" class - "Influence of Jazz and Blues in African-American Literature." Yeah....but when you're an American musician in a room full of German literature students who are trying to study American music, it's not as fun as it sounds. The class is taught in English but none of them speak it very well, so a lot of the time was me being puzzled trying to figure out what the people were trying to say, even though it was in my native language. I made a couple comments during class discussion, but I didn't speak enough to give away my lack of accent and the fact that I'm American. I'll admit, they speak English better than I speak German, but if they won't sit in on my German classes I won't sit in on their English classes. I also noticed a lot of interesting cultural stuff about how they seem to view the black/white relationship in the US, but I'll post about that another time.

Class 2 was an education class - I emailed the professor the day before asking if I could attend, but I hadn't heard from her, but I decided to just go anyway. It was a freshman intro seminar in a lecture class, so I figured I couldn't go wrong. But then when I got there, the teacher called roll, then called another list of names of everyone on the "waiting list," and said if we weren't on either one of those lists then there wasn't room for us in the class, too bad so sad. So I, along with about 20 more people, just got up and left. She has an email in her inbox from me, whether or not she chooses to read it and respond to it.

Still no word from the other professors and people I emailed, either. I do have an appointment with the music pedagogy professor on Thursday, and am trying to make an appointment with someone in the international office whenever she responds to my email. I have attempted to go to 4 classes in 3 days and none of them have been the right classes or the right times - I obviously need help, but I can't find someone who will help me.

The sun will come out tomorrow

Ok....feeling a little better. I just spent the past several hours researching, reading, sending emails, making lists, and devising plans. A few days ago, a few hours ago, I didn't even know where to start, but I think I'm starting to at least figure out how to tackle it all. That's the first step.

I had some good pep talks and some good words of encouragement and some good reality checks and I'm armed and ready for Day 2. I'm not going down without a fight.

Day 1 Part 2

Even though class #1 was a bust, I was able to get a map, hop on a bus, and make it to class #2. It was way out there, and not entirely in the direction I had headed in earlier, so no wonder I was so lost. But now I have found this complex and won't have to search for it again.

So class #2, really class #1, was entitled "musical influence in cultural studies." It is a class that I would love...if it were taught in English. There were about 25-30 people in the class - they all knew each other, and the professor knew all of them - except me. I prayed he wouldn't single me out and ask me questions, because I knew right from the start I didn't belong in that class. The students here were at the end of their bachelors or into their masters degrees; yes I know I am technically a senior in college, but I don't think I can handle this upper-level coursework in another language. There was a LOT of reading on the syllabus and I think I would make myself crazy trying to keep up. In addition, there was a prerequisite taught last semester that was an introduction to this subject area, and this class was a more in-depth look into last semester's introduction. I don't think I'll be going back to that class.

See....since there aren't really any records, from what I can gather, of which classes I take, my strategy was to just go to a bunch of them this first week and see what is interesting enough to keep going to.

But anyway - I'd picked out another class this afternoon, on the view of education as reflected in the media, but I decided it would probably be like this one and I was too exhausted to try again. After sitting through that first class I changed my strategy - I think I will re-take music history I, and maybe re-take theory III. I already know the material, so I can focus more on learning the language and comparing how it's taught in two different settings. Plus, the review will probably do me good.

I checked the bulletin board for the music pedagogy area, and found out that they had already had separate sign-ups for their classes - last week. I need to email the professor and see what I can work out. Hopefully I will be a little more comfortable in that subject area.

Next on the list was to go to a meeting for the international student office, that was a continuation of last week's orientation. I had my piece of paper with the information about the meeting, went to the building I thought it was in, went to the room I was supposed to, but it definitely wasn't the international student meeting. There were just a bunch of German guys sitting around and talking, rather than a room full of international students that I recognized from last week. I have no idea what happened, but I never did figure it out and never did get to that meeting.

I've decided I need to storm the international office tomorrow and refuse to leave until they give me answers. I need to know so much about what I'm doing here and no one has bothered to make sure we have all the information we need. How many classes is a "full load?" How do they keep up with our grades and classes? What should we expect from the end of semester tests? Does it even apply to me? How do I know which classes I'm "allowed" to take, and am I "allowed" to take classes outside my subject area? Even within my subject area, how do I know what classes are available and don't need prerequisites, like this morning? What's the difference between a seminar and a class? What, if anything, are the attendance policies? What do all these symbols and codes mean all over the course lists (just telling me the word the symbol stands for doesn't help...describe to me what it means in reality)?

Shouldn't all of these things been told to us in orientation?

But the good news is, I found out there is a campus orchestra, and I can audition next Monday. Now I just need to find a place to practice - easier said than done.